I’d like to share about the day I found out I wasn’t just expecting, I was expecting twins. I’m not going to sugar-coat it because I think it might help other new moms of multiples who may be going through a similar situation.
I had a gut feeling I might be having twins. I had the advantage of having two prior pregnancies so I knew something was different. I was bigger, sicker, hungrier and moodier. My uncles are twins too (to answer the inevitable “do twins run in your family” question). I kept telling myself that it was twins. The logic being if I thought it was and it wasn’t, I’d be relieved but if it went the other way, I’d be shocked.
So when we went in for our first ultrasound, I was very nervous. Garen kept reassuring me that it would be fine. As I lay there during the ultrasound, the doctor took a very long time probing before saying anything. So long that I got nervous something had happened to the baby. Instead, a moment later she asked, “How do you feel about twins?” And she showed us this….
Time stood still. I asked if she was joking and, in a deadpan tone, she asked “Why would I joke about something like this?” That made it worse. I started to cry. My fear had come true and my mental plan to “prepare myself” completely failed. I’m not sure anything could have prepared me for that.
On top of it, I felt guilty for crying while my husband was thrilled. This was his first pregnancy and he was getting two babies with one shot. Why shouldn’t he be elated?!?
I, on the other hand, knew how hard one baby was. The long nights, early mornings, sore nipples, dirty diapers and everything that went with a baby were going to be doubled. I had watched many of my friends carry multiples and how they had complications in pregnancy. I was worried there wouldn’t be enough time for our older two to get one on one time. I saw my career suffering, knowing it was going to be harder to work as many hours as I want/needed to in order to grow. So many things went through my mind.
It was hard. And I felt like a terrible, ungrateful person.
But I pushed on. If you are a mom that just found out you’re having twins, don’t feel guilty for being shocked, scared, or even mad. It is scary. It is shocking. And you’ve got double the hormones so it is ok if you are mad.
Despite all of this, the main thing that helped me was remembering that even though there’s twice the hard parts, there’s also twice the good parts. Twice the smiles. Twice the giggles. Twice the love.